The Last Breath

I m in such a dilemma. AIX. Let me just sigh for a moment here. Because I think I m caught in a trap where all I had to do is give give give n give. I didn’t receive much at all from the other side. When my side have been caring and generous from ur side, I start to learn that I m not as much as important as u are. It’s very contradicting and hard to understand because I don’t wanna make it to obvious after all. My side has been spending so much money and very welcoming towards u. And u know, the dramas and the fairytales of every girl dreamt was to be loved by more than one more family and the acceptance in a new home. Where strangers will love you just as much as their own child. Then I try to confide in myself on not putting such high hopes and derange big, but honestly, I have been waiting for that to happen. It may not probably happen right now. Ita kinda impossible. I know them well enough to judge this, maybe it’s the tip of the iceberg. I m being judgmental. But please, prove me wrong.I wanna be wrong. I can’t force a laughter and a smile for everything and put on a sarcasm conversation. I just wanna be myself bunt it’s hard right now.but tnk about it. I m a girl. Why do I have to act like a boy? It feels like I have to carry a responsible and a duty of a guy. I wish I wasn’t that strong. Wasnt that act smart. I wanna be vulnerable. Where people treated me with care and love. I’d longed for that to come. :(